Because of being disillusioned over several painful experiences, I left Christianity. It came to a point every time I went to church, I ended up feeling past pain, hurt, and depression. How do I deal with this? No matter how I try, I don’t see myself going back.
I am truly sorry for the hurt you have experienced. I am limited in my remarks because you gave no detail about why you were disillusioned. Perhaps you were hurt by cold, uncaring people who represented Christianity to you. Perhaps your expectations were too high or too strict and thus you were hurt when those expectations weren’t met. If you will, I’d like to offer some general counsel about your situation that I hope will be helpful to you.
First, try not to judge the Father by the actions of His children. Sometimes, true believers say and do the wrong things. True believers can be hard hearted at times. They can be set in their ways and do not like others to upset their routine. Don’t blame the Father. His desire is that we show His love to all we meet. The Lord Jesus said in John 13:35, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” Manifesting the love of God to others will surely demonstrate that we belong to the Lord. To those who are saved, we read in Romans 5:5 that “the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” Every believer has the love of God inside them. However, we often hide that love and insist on having our own ways. Don’t blame the Father. He has given us the love we need to love one another.
Sometimes people have the right intentions, but it can come across as harsh and uncaring. In John 18, we read of the instance where Judas brought a band of men and officers from the high priest so that he might betray the Lord into their hands. We read in verses 10-11, “Then Simon Peter having a sword drew it, and smote the high priest’s servant, and cut off his right ear. The servant’s name was Malchus. Then said Jesus unto Peter, Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?” As has been pointed out many times before…Peter was not aiming for Malchus’ ear. He was likely aiming for the middle of his head. Peter’s intention was honorable. He was trying to defend the Lord. In his zeal, however, he moved without the Lord’s permission and caused incredible damage. He cut off a man’s ability to hear. Often, we try to defend the Lord and His truths. We become harsh, and with our words and actions, we effectively ‘cut off ears’ of people we are dealing with. What happened next? We read in Luke 22:51 that Jesus “touched his ear, and healed him.” The Lord put the man’s ear back on! Even today, when we ‘cut off ears’ by our crude zeal, the Lord is gracious to replace those ears so that the offended one can hear His voice. If this has happened to you, I encourage you to allow the Lord to replace your ear so that you might once again hear His voice of love and truth.
Most of all, I encourage you to forgive. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Are you bitter against others? Angry? Do you find it hard to be kind to others, especially those who hurt you? Forgive them! If you are a believer, you know what it means to forgive. You have been forgiven of your sins. Follow the example of Christ, who forgave you. Forgive others! Remember, the Lord never asks us to do anything that He doesn’t give us the ability to do. YOU CAN FORGIVE OTHERS! If you will do that, you will find a tremendous burden lifted from your own heart. Bitterness and anger are tremendous weights that hinder our progress in the Lord’s things. You need the fellowship and accountability of fellow believers. Pray. Ask the Lord to lead you to a proper group of believers who will show the love of Christ and teach the truths of Christ. You need that…we all do! We read in Hebrews 10:24-25, “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” You need fellow believers. Fellow believers need you. As the Lord to reveal your heart to you so that you might forgive, move on, and allow the Lord to draw you together with a scriptural group of believers who can help you grow in the Lord. The longer you hang on to this bitterness, the harder it is to let go. Let go now! (248.6)