I am so sorry to hear of the condition and disconnect in your marriage.  I can tell by your words that you are depressed by this…and to an extent, that’s natural.  I think we all enter into our marriage relationships hoping that all will be good, and we will have a successful and loving relationship with our spouse.  Sadly, it doesn’t work out that way for many husbands and wives.  The divorce rate in America among Christians is about 50%, and that is a shame.  Christians are equipped with the tools we need to have a good and God-honoring marriage when both are seeking the leading of the Lord in their lives.  Too often, couples take the “easy way out” and divorce their spouses, thinking they can start over with a new partner.  The divorce rate among people on their second marriage is higher than those in their first marriage. 

I am so thankful that you are focusing your thoughts on the Lord Jesus, who is indeed, “the author and finisher of our faith.” (Hebrews 12:2).  He is the One who can salvage your marriage and turn it into a good and successful marriage.  When you pray, groan, and moan in sincerity to the Lord, He hears and will work to minister to you.  We know that “God hates divorce” (Malachi 2:16), so He will work with you to turn your marriage around.  You did not mention if your husband is saved, but I think, at this point, it would be good to limit my words as to what you can do, since that was the question you asked.

Let’s consider what you can do to save your marriage.  I must first counsel you to be patient.  Your marriage did not get this bad overnight, and it will not improve overnight.  It may take time.  When we walk (live) in obedience to the Word of God, and seek to honor the Lord in our lives, we will exhibit the fruit of the Spirit.  We read in Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, LONGSUFFERING, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”  Longsuffering means to be patient, so I encourage you to have great patience while you work on the betterment of your marriage.  Ask the Lord to help you with your patience towards your husband and this relationship.

Indeed, prayer is so vital.  As you seek to save your marriage, be before the Lord constantly, seeking His guidance and strength to be the woman you need to be so that you might influence your husband to be the man he should be.  You should, “Pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17).  As you truly focus on the Lord, He will guide you, strengthen you, and give you the proper attitude you need to continue to work on your relationship. 

Now, let’s consider the words of the Apostle Peter in 1 Peter 3:1-2, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”  I realize this one may be a hard pill to swallow, especially since your attempts to communicate with your husband end up with him being defensive.  This is where your desire to follow the Lord and your patience comes in.  You may not be able to reach your husband with words (at first), but your godly behavior and attitude should eventually appeal to his heart. 

It is evident that you are hurting because of the condition of your marriage.  As I have written these words, I have also prayed for you and your husband.  May the Lord bless your efforts to save your marriage.  While it may be very difficult to change your husband, you must make sure your heart is right, that you are seeking to please the Lord, and be a good and godly influence to your husband.  I will leave you with these verses that instruct us how to behave towards one another…and in particular our marriage partners.

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)  (CC)  (675.2)