It is almost certain that a couple that spend a lot of time together will eventually disagree on something.  Our backgrounds, our experiences, our varying degrees of biblical knowledge may give us differing perspectives and convictions.  Disagreements are not necessarily bad.  We can learn from sharing our viewpoints and listening to our partner’s thoughts.  Let’s start by looking at Colossians 4:6, “Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.”  In the case of disagreements, whenever we speak, we should be sure that our intent is to be helpful.  If our intent is to prove ourselves right and our partner wrong, then we will not be able to disagree in a graceful manner. 

Rather than being contentious, the Lord desires that we work towards peace and unity.  “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” (Matthew 5:9).  We learn in 2 Timothy 2:24 that, “…the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient…”  To strive is to be argumentative.  Surely, when we and our loved ones disagree, we can still be gentle, we can seek to teach and to learn, we can exercise patience.  Remember, this is the one you loved enough to marry and commit your life to their happiness.  Surely, even in disagreements, we can treat our loved ones with respect and love.  In fact, we should use the patience, love, and gentleness that we expect them to show to us. 

Sometimes, in times of disagreement, a decision must be made.  How much happier is the household when we can come together in one mind and move forward together.  This comes through listening to one another.  The Lord has given us two ears, but only one mouth.  Perhaps we should listen twice as much as we speak.  We are instructed in James 1:19-20, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be SWIFT TO HEAR, SLOW TO SPEAK, SLOW TO WRATH: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”  We cannot minister the grace of God to one another when we refuse to listen, when we speak out of turn, and when we allow ourselves to get angry.

If there are scriptural matters that are causing conflict, then you and your spouse should seek the mind of God through His Word together.  You should pray together and study God’s Word, seeking the Spirit’s guidance to give you one mind.  Ephesians 4:2-3 instructs us, “With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” 

Oh, but what should we do if we let the flesh lead us into an argument, saying angry words that hurt rather than heal?  The Bible tells us to, “…let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26).  Be swift to confess to one another if words are spoken in anger.  Be swift to say you are sorry if you said anything to hurt your loved one. 

From your question, I perceive that you and your loved one have experienced conflict in your disagreements.  The Lord can help you both if you look to Him in times of disagreements.  If you feel you and your spouse are on the verge of arguing, I suggest you stop and pray together, asking the Lord to guide you in your words and actions.  Proverbs 15:23 tells us, “A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!”  (CC)  (696.4)