You are certainly correct in saying that “many men are contentious too” and there are ample scriptures to prove that point. A good example of this is found in Paul’s exhortation in to Timothy (and other men) in 2nd Timothy 2:23-25, “But avoid foolish and ignorant DISPUTES, knowing that they generate STRIFE. And a servant of the LORD must not QUARREL but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition” (NKJV). This passage clearly teaches MEN that they are prone to enter into DISPUTES which result in STRIFE and QUARRELING. This also shows us that men are more prone to be contentious, for oftentimes it is when they are trying to defend the truth that pride gets in the way and they end up quarreling to “win the argument.”

Now let’s read Proverbs 25:24, “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (NKJV). This is actually an exact repeat of Proverbs 21:9. The same thought of a “contentious woman” is seen in the following passages in Proverbs 19:13 and 27:15-16: “A foolish son is the ruin of his father, and the CONTENTIONS OF A WIFE are a continual dripping…A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a CONTENTIOUS WOMAN are alike; Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand.” In each case we have a “nagging wife” who continues to argue with their husband. It is reasonable to assume that she is trying to “rule her husband” and thus to “have her own way.” Again, the man can surely be just as contentious (as we have seen), but that does not change the truth that the Holy Spirit puts before us in these passages. Because of the fall of man, one of the sins that a woman may fall into is refusing to submit to her husband. In Ephesians 5:22 wives are told to “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” If they do submit to their husband, they are really submitting to the Lord. Conversely, if they rebel against their husband by continually arguing with him, they are really rebelling against the Lord.

In Proverbs 25:24 and 21:9, it is said that the husband would be better off living in a separate part of the house than to listen to a nagging wife. I think we all know that when one starts an argument, it is all too easy to eventually fight back. In most cases it would be “an exercise in futility.” Quarreling and shouting at one another never leads to a peaceful conclusion. The writer of Proverbs resorts to hyperbole by saying that “whoever restrains her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand.” No one is able to “restrain the wind” or “grasp oil with his right hand.” Just so, no one is able to stop a contentious woman. This reminds me of that well-known passage in James 3:6-8, “And the tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But NO MAN CAN TAME THE TONGUE. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.”

Having said that, though no man can tame the tongue, GOD CAN! In Galatians 5:22-23 we have the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT listed…”love, joy, PEACE, longsuffering, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, faithfulness, GENTLENESS, SELF-CONTROL.” If the Christian wife will submit to the control of the indwelling Holy Spirit He will give her the deliverance she needs from nagging and arguing with her husband. There will then be peace, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control instead of quarrels and unbridled anger. Again, the man/husband may need this just as much as the woman at times, but our verse addresses the woman and she will be blessed if she takes this to heart and allows the Word to convict her and to correct her (see 2nd Timothy 3:16-17). (324.5) (DO)