Thank you, my dear friend, for your very important question. My heart goes out to you in your present struggle with this very difficult situation. The quick answer is that we do not have the strength to deal with such a heart-breaking situation in ourselves, but only through the power of the Holy Spirit can we know and have the strength to react properly to such a trial. From your question, I perceive that you are a believer on the Lord Jesus Christ, and that you truly desire to respond to this very disappointing and frustrating issue in a godly manner in the way that God would want a Christian to respond. Take heart, my dear friend, God knows your struggle, and He has given you the power through His Spirit, by His grace, to deal even with such a deep sense of hurt which you are no doubt experiencing just now. In 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 we read: “We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed–always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.”

I’m sure you are familiar with God’s perfect plan for a Christian marriage in Ephesians 5:22-28. But, what happens if that order is disrupted when the husband does not follow his responsibilities as stated in verses 25-28? Your husband is to love you as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her (verse 25); he is to love his wife as his own body (verse 28). Well, we must realize that such serious trials do occur even in the lives of God’s dear children because we believers live in a world which has been ruined by sin, and we all do consequently experience the tragic effects of this sad situation. Because of the fact that sin entered the world through Adam, even Christians are impacted by the effects of the fall of mankind such as the pain and disappointments which you are experiencing. However, our Lord Jesus understands all of our sorrows, and He very much cares and is there to help His children as we seek to live for Him in this fallen scene. In Hebrews 4:15-16 we read: “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”  Furthermore, He has taught us, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world,” (John 16:33). 

My dear friend, I am praying for you and for your relationship with your husband. I would encourage you to have faith.  God is just as real as your trial, and He alone, through prayer and supplication, can help (Philippians 4:6,7; 1 Peter 5:7). God can accomplish what humans cannot-He is the God of miracles, and by your godly conduct, which I know you are wanting to demonstrate, there is no limit to how God might use you to impact your husband in a positive manner. I’m sure you are aware of 1 Peter 5:1 where we read: “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives….” It is not in your own power to love and respect a man who is not acting as he should according to God’s order and plan, but the power of God working in you, through fervent prayer, can accomplish much (James 5:16). I am praying for you!  (SF)  (694.3)