The Bible does not address the subject of “spousal abuse and what the injured spouse should do.” Yet there are “scriptural principles” that suggest if a wife is being harmed, she should not allow this to continue but she should SEPARATE from her husband. Some would advise her to DIVORCE her husband, but the Bible is clear that divorce is only allowed in the case of ADULTERY. Jesus said in Matthew 5:32, “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason EXCEPT SEXUAL IMMORALITY causes her to commit adultery.” Jesus here was referring to “the husband wanting out of the marriage for some reason” but it would also apply to “the wife wanting out of the marriage.” As serious as ABUSE is, it is not ADULTERY, so she should not seek to divorce her husband.

So, what should she do? If the abuse is “criminal in nature,” she should “be subject to the governing authorities” (Romans 13:1-4) and report the crime to the authorities. Her husband would then be punished by the law in one of THREE ways: 1) being put in jail; 2) having a restraining order against him; and 3) allowing the wife to obtain a LEGAL SEPARATION. Any of these 3 cases result in the same thing, which is SEPARATION. Hopefully, this would result in the husband being humbled and repenting of his acts of violence against his wife and thus there could be real RECONCILIATION between the two.

If the abuse can’t be proven to be criminal (i.e. there is no visible evidence of the abuse, such as a black eye, bruises, or a broken arm or leg), she should seek the help of her local assembly of believers so they could receive spiritual COUNSELING (if the husband is a believer and would be willing to do this). In this case you would want those in the church known for their spiritual wisdom, discernment and compassion. Proverbs 11:14 says, “in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”  If the husband is not willing to undergo counseling and is in fellowship at that local church, steps should be taken to convict him of his sin. In Matthew 18:15-17 there is a 3-step process outlined. In this case the wife herself would go to him first and “TELL HIM HIS FAULT BETWEEN HIM AND YOU ALONE. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” If he doesn’t repent then we see step 2 in verse 16, “But if he will not hear, TAKE WITH YOU ONE OR TWO MORE, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word my be established.’” If he still refuses to repent, the final step in seen in verse 17, “And if he refuses to hear them, TELL IT TO THE CHURCH. But if he refuses to hear the church, LET HIM TO YOU LIKE A HEATHEN AND A TAX COLLECTOR.” We call this act by the local church EXCOMMUNICATION where he is literally “put out of fellowship” because of his sin of abuse. 1 Corinthians 5:13 states, “Therefore ‘put away from yourselves the evil person.’” In this specific case spousal abuse, the guilty husband should not only be “separated from the local church,” but also “separated from his innocent wife.” This extreme act of discipline could result in his RESTORATION to the Lord and thus the RECONCILIATION of the husband and wife. This should surely be the goal of both the wife and the church. Let us never forget that real FORGIVENESS can then take place: forgiveness by God for his abuse (1 John 1:9) and forgiveness by the wife and the church (Ephesians 4:32). I would encourage you to read the whole story in 1 Corinthians 5 about the sinning man who was put out of fellowship and how it led to his repentance and the assembly forgiving him and restoring him back into fellowship (2 Corinthians 2:6-8).

If all these measures fail, the wife should NOT remain in the home with her husband, which could lead to more harm and possibly death. She should separate from him and pray earnestly for the Lord to work (in whatever way He seems fit to bring him to repentance) so there can be a true reconciliation.  (DO)  (727.1)