This is a good and important question.  What is ‘agape’ love?  It is defined as an unconditional and unending love…characteristic of God, Himself.  In fact, we are told in 1 John 4:16 that “God is love (agape)”.  Every time the love of God is mentioned in the New Testament, it is always referred to as ‘agape’ love.  (John 3:16, Romans 8:39, 2 Thessalonians 3:5, etc.).  We read in 1 John 4:19, “We love (agape) him, because he first loved (agape) us.”  Many translations, show this verse as actually saying, “We love, because he first loved us.”  Without realistically knowing God, we do not truly know love (agape).  Having Christ as our savior, we know AND have the love of God in our hearts.  Romans 5:5 says to believers, “And hope maketh not ashamed; because THE LOVE OF GOD IS SHED ABROAD IN OUR HEARTS by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”  We can love with the love (agape) of God, because He had put His love into our hearts! 

Are those who are not saved able to love with the love of God…this agape love we have been talking about?  Hear the words of the Lord Jesus to unbelievers in John 5:42, “But I know you, that ye have not the love (agape) of God in you.” No…the unbeliever does not have the love of God within themselves.  They know nothing of this unconditional and unending love because they do not know God. 

So, how could an unbelieving parent love their child, even to the point of sacrificing their lives for them?  How could an unbelieving person love another person so much they would risk their very lives for them? There are a couple of more words for love in the Bible that are simply translated as ‘love’ but have a different meaning.  Let’s look at them.

PHILEO – This form of love is defined as “to be a friend to, to be fond of, to have affection for (denoting personal attachment, as a matter of sentiment or feeling.”  This is a valuable form of love, although it is not as deep or as absolute as agape love. A couple of examples of this ‘phileo’ love are:

  • Luke 20:46, “Beware of the scribes, which desire to walk in long robes, and love (phileo) greetings in the markets, and the highest seats in the synagogues, and the chief rooms at feasts.”
  • John 12:25, “He that loveth (phileo) his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.”

PHILOSTORGOS – This form of love is defined as “cherishing one’s kindred, especially parents or children); fond of natural relatives.”  Another has defined this love as “It is a natural movement of the soul for husband, wife, child or dog. It is a quiet, abiding feeling within a man that rests on something close to him and that he feels good about.”  This word is only found once in the Bible.

  • Romans 12:10, “Be kindly affectioned (philóstorgos) one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.”

A good example of this kind of love can be found in John 4:49.  It is important to note that this valuable type of love can be non-existent in some people.  We read in 2 Timothy 3:2-3, “For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good.”

These two forms of love (phileo and philóstorgos) would explain how one could love another to the point of making great sacrifices for them.  These two forms of love are very good and needed in the world today, but the Lord would have us to go beyond these natural loves and love with an agape love…one that is not conditional on how we are treated, one that will not stop when we are offended, one that reflects the perfect love of God towards us.  We can only love with the love of God when we personally have the love of God.  (CC)  (734.4)