I feel like I can’t fight for my marriage anymore. My husband doesn’t even want to go to church with me anymore. Is my real husband somewhere stuck with the wrong person like I am?
I am sorry that your marriage is in bad shape. This happens far too many times. We start our marriages with such great expectation of a wonderful life together. Sometimes we call that ‘living on love.’ That’s when we think that all we need is each other. Before long, reality sets in and we realize bills have to be paid, the kids have to be taken to school each day. All of a sudden, romance starts to fail and we are not so glad to be in each other’s presence. One day, we wake up and realize this person that we used to love so much is not fulfilling our desires for a good marriage. We argue often. Other times we don’t talk to each other at all. We grow apart and wonder what happened to all our hopes and dreams. Soon, we become just another divorce statistic…something we said would never happen to us.
My wife and I have been married for 45 years. It has not always been easy. We have struggled through financially hard times. We have struggled through raising six children. We have struggled through times when we felt like giving up…yet we did not give up. What is it that kept us going? It was the Lord. We took seriously the words of the Lord in Mark 10:7-9, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” The day we married, we became one person. We started our marriage in dependence on the Lord. However, a good start does not guarantee a good finish. It’s not enough to begin a marriage in dependence on the Lord. We must continue that dependence for the rest of our lives.
Let’s consider the words of the Apostle Paul to the church in Galatia. Galatians 5:7-8, “Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth? This persuasion cometh not of him that calleth you.” These Galatian believers had started out well. Someone came in and hindered their path and led them to disobey the precious truths they had learned. Marriages can be the same way. We start out well and then allow obstacles, outside people, or coldness towards the Lord sidetrack us and hinder our relationship with each other.
The Lord gives specific instructions to wives like you…women who are married to men with no interest in the Lord. Perhaps your husband is not even saved. Your influence could be the very thing that leads him to Christ. 1 Peter 3:1-5 says, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may WITHOUT THE WORD BE WON BY THE CONVERSATION OF THE WIVES; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands.” You can fight for your marriage by walking in the truth of these verses. Pray constantly for your husband. Just, don’t give up.
You mentioned your ‘real husband’. The man you are married to is your real husband. Somewhere along the way, you lost the fervency to keep your marriage going. Ask the Lord to return that fervency to you and to strengthen you to become the wife your husband needs to draw him near to Christ. The Lord wants your marriage to be successful and He will work with you and your husband to make it a good marriage. Allow the Lord to restore your marriage by committing it to Him. (296.10)