You are not alone, for many true believers have “disappointed their Lord Jesus through their tongue” by gossiping, lying, and evil speaking against others. The apostle Paul had to warn believers of this very thing in Ephesians 4:25 & 29-30 “Therefore, putting away LYING, ‘Let each one of you SPEAK TRUTH with his neighbor…Let no CORRUPT WORD proceed out of your mouths, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers…Let all EVIL SPEAKING be put away from you, with all malice.” In James 3:1-10 the same subject is before us in very solemn words. Here is what James says about the tongue in verses 5-7, “Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is A FIRE, a WORLD OF INIQUITY. The tongue is so set among our members that IT DEFILES THE WHOLE BODY, and SETS ON FIRE the course of nature; and it is SET ON FIRE BY HELL.” We have just witnessed the worst fires ever in Los Angeles, CA and it may have been started by a “little spark” in the forest, yet James describes the tongue as a “little member” that can “defile the whole body” and “set on fire the course of nature,” which means it can ruin one’s personal life and it spreads to every area of his life and that of others. In verse 8 James teaches us a valuable lesson: “But no man can TAME THE TONGUE. It is an unruly evil. Full of deadly poison.”

This sounds like we have no hope and that we will always disappoint our Lord and Savior with this “little member” that is “set on fire by hell.” But there is hope! Though “no man can tame the tongue,” the Holy Spirit can! You had said in your question, “I HAVE TRIED but I end up being frustrated.” The problem with those words (I have tried) is you are apparently “trying to tame your tongue which no man can tame.” I just said, “the Holy Spirit can” and now I’d like to show you where we learn this.

In Galatians 5:16 the apostle Paul said, “I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh, and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.” There is a warfare going on in the Christian between “the flesh (the fallen sinful nature we were born with…see Psalm 51:5 and John 3:6) and the Holy Spirit. The “flesh” wants to control us and the “Spirit wants to control us. If we are TRYING TO LIVE A HOLY LIFE in our own strength the “flesh is in control” (please read Paul’s own experience in Romans 7:13-25 where his flesh was controlling him and he was defeated and disappointing the Lord time and time again). If we realize that we have no power to control the tongue or any other temptation to sin, we can “allow the Holy Spirit to control us.” We are exhorted in Ephesians 5:18, “And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit.” Just as we can be controlled by a foreign spirit such as alcohol, we can also be controlled the Spirit. And when we do yield ourselves to the indwelling Spirit, He will give us the victory over every sin, including victory over the tongue! (see Galatians 5:22-23 where the last “fruit of the Spirit” is SELF-CONTROL…He can “control your tongue”).

In closing, this must be a daily, hourly, moment by moment yielding to the Spirit. The moment you may be tempted to gossip or lie or speak evil against someone, you MUST realize that is THE FLESH and you MUST turn in dependence to the Lord Jesus and ask Him to give you the victory by the power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said in John 15:5, “without Me you can do nothing.” You are as powerless in and of yourself to live a holy life as you were to save yourself from eternal judgment. You needed to turn to Christ and trust Him for salvation from hell and now you must turn to Him and trust Him to save you from the power of sin through the Spirit of God. In short, you must “quit TRYING and start TRUSTING!”  (DO)  (667.5)