There is nothing more shameful than for an adult to abuse a child, in any form.  The Lord pronounces a special punishment to those who abuse children or cause them to go down the wrong path.  He stated in Luke 17:1-2, “Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come! It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.” 

My wife and I were foster parents for ten years and have witnessed the impact of child abuse many, many times.  It is horrific when the person who is supposed to be the caregiver or is a trusted family friend uses that position to abuse a child.  Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse all leave scars that can influence the victim for the rest of their lives.

I cannot imagine anything that would be harder to forgive.  Yet, the ability to forgive can free the victim from a lifetime of hate, shame, and regret.  First, it is vital that the victim realize they are just that…a victim.  We have seen young girls who blamed themselves because the father figure in their lives molested them.  It seems it’s easier to blame oneself than to blame someone else.  I trust that you can clearly see that, as a child, you did not cause the abuse you might have suffered.  It was completely the fault of the adult abuser.

However, holding a grudge is a spiritual and emotional burden that can have extreme effects on a person’s relationship with the Lord, others, and themselves. The Bible provides clear teaching on the dangers of holding on to resentment and the importance of forgiving even the worst of offenses.  We read in Ephesians 4:31-32, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  We see here the basis of forgiveness is Christ having forgiven us.  Just imagine the offenses He has forgiven to all those who come to Him.  We hear the Lord praying for his unjust executors in Luke 23:34 where He prayed, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” 

You might say that’s an incredibly hard thing to do…and you would be correct.  Yet, if God can forgive us, and through faith in Him we have the love of God inside us (Romans 5:5), then we truly can forgive others.  We have a similar verse in Colossians 3:13, “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” 

To forgive someone is not to say what they did was right.  It was not!  It is not to say there should be no criminal prosecution for his crimes.  They should face justice!  It does not mean you should continue to have a close relationship with this person who has harmed you so greatly.  The constant reminder of the abuse may be too much for you to bear.

We read in Proverbs 17:22, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”  Holding on to this grudge is detrimental to your health.  It can ‘dry the bones’ or bring depression…even to the point of causing great sickness.  It robs you of the merry heart the Lord wants to give you.  For your own sake, it is good to forgive and no longer hold a grudge against this terrible person. 

If you find that too difficult to do, I suggest you pray much about it.  Ask the Lord for the strength and love from Himself to forgive and move forward without this burden which will keep you from being happy and well. 

I am so, so sorry for what you have suffered, but I know the Lord can bring healing to your heart when you commit this to Him.  1 Peter 5:7, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”  Psalm 55:22, “Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”  (CC)  (738.6)