Choosing your spouse is one of the most important decisions you will ever make.  If you take your vows seriously and honestly, you will realize that you will commit the rest of your life to be with your mate.  It certainly is not something to be taken likely or without much, much prayer, counsel, and thought.

There is so much about you that I don’t know, but since you have been in a relationship with this man for three years, I assume you are of age to make your own decisions about marriage.  I’m sure your mom loves you very much and wants what is best for you.  I encourage you to sit down with her and allow her to tell you all her concerns about you marrying your boyfriend.  Listen carefully and respectfully.  Perhaps she has things to say that you need to hear.  Even if you do not like what she is saying, listen to her.  If your mom does not think that it is the Lord’s will for you to marry this man, ask her to explain her thoughts to you.  Listen to her counsel before you make the decision to marry this man. 

Will it be bad for your future if this is not God’s will?  YES!  It will be terrible.  You cannot really expect the Lord to bless the plans you have made when they are not according to His will. 

How can you find out if it is God’s will?  I suppose this is your most important question.  Learning and obeying God’s will for your life is so important for you.  First, are you a believer on the Lord Jesus Christ?  Your questions indicate that you do care about the Lord’s will and you want His will for your life.  If so, your boyfriend must also be saved for the Lord to honor your marriage.  2 Corinthians 6:14 instructs us, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”  There are many ways for us to yoke ourselves together with others, but the marriage relationship is the most obvious.  A yoke is a bond.  A believer on the Lord Jesus should not bind themselves together with an unbeliever.  That is an unequal yoke.  Your relationship cannot be formed around Christ if either of you are not believers.

Does he have a testimony of being saved? 

Does he exhibit the characteristics of a believer? 

Does he offer you spiritual guidance? 

Does he like to talk to you about the Lord? 

Does he pray with you? 

Does he follow the Lord? 

If you cannot answer ‘yes’ to all these questions, then I advise you to put your desires and plans on hold.  If his life does not reflect the Lord Jesus, then you are heading for trouble.

The fact that you may both be believers is only the beginning.  I’m sure you would agree that just because someone knows Christ as their savior, that is not enough to ensure a life together.  Marriages should be “in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:39).  You should both actively seek the Lord’s guidance to be sure that it is His will for you two to be married.  Amos 3:3 asks the question, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”  Do you two agree on having children? Where to live?  Where to go to church together?  Do you hold similar beliefs about the Lord?  There are so many things for you to discuss to see if you two truly agree on the important things in life. 

I encourage you two to get good godly counsel before you determine to get married.  It could be the best decision or the worst decision you could make.  (440.6)