Let’s read James 2:8-9, “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors.” In order to understand these verses, we need to understand the CONTEXT in which they are found. James is speaking of “the sin of showing FAVORTISM” to some Christians because they are rich. We see this brought out in verses 1-4: “My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality. For if there should also come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, ‘You sit here in a good place,’ and say to the poor man, ‘You stand there,’ or ‘Sit here at my footstool,’ have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?” James goes on to say “Has not God chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? But you have dishonored the poor man” (verses 5-6a). The lesson is clear; as believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, we are to treat one another EQUALLY when we are gathered together for worship or ministry. We are NOT to look on one’s “outward appearance” and judge that the rich are worthy of the best seat in the meeting hall while the poor must take a backseat. This is shameful and James calls his fellow-believers out for showing FAVORITISM. He then points them to the Royal Law, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (see Leviticus 19:18 and Matthew 22:39). In Matthew 22:39 the speaker is none other than Jesus Christ, the “King of kings” and He demands that believers, His “Royal Subjects,” obey that law. It is not that we are “under the Law of Moses” (for we are “not under law but under Grace” ….see Romans 6:14), but this love that should be shown to believers FORBIDS FAVORITISM.

Regarding your thoughts about “favoring/loving your family over strangers,” the passage in James does not contradict other passages of Scripture which teach us that we are to show respect to some people over others. For example, in 1st Peter 2:17 we are told to “Honor all people. Love the brotherhood, Fear God, Honor the king.” Obviously, there are differences in each of these four exhortations. We can “honor all people” because they are all “made in the image and likeness of God” (Genesis 1:26-27). We are to “love the brotherhood” which means there is a “special kind of love” between believers in Christ that is not found between all men (see 1st John 3:14-18; 4:7, 11-12; 5:1). We are to “fear God” which means we show Him REVERENCE as our blessed Lord, the only One who is to be worshipped for He alone is God. And we are to “honor the king” because God has established government and those in authority are to be paid the respect that their position in authority deserves (Romans 13:1-7). In Ephesians 6:1-3 we read, “Children, obey your PARENTS in the Lord, for this is right. ‘HONOR your FATHER and MOTHER,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’” This passage teaches us how important FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS are. We are not told to “honor the parents of our friends” as if they were in a position of authority over us; we are to honor the parents that God has given us. And this “honor” would include “loving them” for God has given us these NATURAL RELATIONSHIPS which surely involves a special love that we don’t have for strangers. Two of the evil characteristics of the “last days” in 2nd Timothy 3:1-4 are “disobedient to parents” and “without natural affections” and these should never be true of believers in the Lord Jesus Christ.

In conclusion, it is NOT a sin to “favor/love a family member over a stranger” for these “natural relationships” are of God and He wants us to love and honor them in a way which would be unnatural to show to a stranger. Yet we are to “honor/love all men” because they were created in God’s image. God loves them and wants to save them (John 3:16) and we too should love them and desire to see them saved. We are also to show special respect to those whom God has put in positions of government. And when it comes to believers gathering together for worship, ministry or prayer, we are to treat one another equally (without favoritism), for we are all brothers and sisters in Christ in the family of God.  (DO)  (599.3)