I was so saddened when I read your question. I don’t believe I’ve ever received this question before, but I have heard of Christian couples who find themselves in this sad condition. The fact is Christian men and women can “fall in love” and marry and then later “fall out of love.” There may be many reasons for this and all of them are due to some kind of FAILURE. I find that in most cases one spouse has either been UNFAITHFUL (had an affair and committed adultery) or they have DRIFTED APART due to “a lack of communication and spending time together.” There may be other reasons (such as abuse of some kind or addiction to alcohol, gambling, or pornography), but whatever the case, THE ROOT CAUSE IS SIN. I have read of the high percentage of divorces there is among Christians because of these things, and it is a terrible testimony to the world which is “watching Christians” to see if their lives reflect their profession of faith in Christ.

So, are these cases proof that they “married the wrong person?” Not necessarily, for as I said they may have been “in love initially” and their testimony for Christ may have been seen in their roles as husband and wife (see Ephesians 5:22-25). But in time their relationship with their Lord and Savior broke down and their marriage broke down because of that. The Lord Jesus reproved the church at Ephesus in Revelation 2:4 with these words, “Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have LEFT YOUR FIRST LOVE.” He was speaking of how their affections for Him had diminished. When one is first saved their love for the Lord is ON FIRE! They want to be with the Lord Jesus whenever they can (by reading His Word so He can speak to them and by praying to Him so He can hear from us). This same thing can happen to a Christian couple. When first married we are so occupied with one another, and it feels like “the honeymoon will never end.” But in time we allow “things to come between us” and the communication and time spent together breaks down. We may feel that “we don’t love them each other anymore” or, even worse, that “we married the wrong person.” So, what do we do in those cases? The Lord went on to tell the saints in verse 5, “Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works.” He was telling them to think back to when they first came to know Him as their Savior and how they loved spending time with Him and serving Him. And then He told them to REPENT, which means they needed to judge whatever it was that came into their life and caused their love to grow cold. We could apply these same things to a marriage where the love between the husband and the wife has grown cold. We need to REMEMBER the love we had for each other at one time and REPENT of anything and everything that came in to disrupt this love for each other.

Until this happens, we don’t want to be hypocrites so it would be a lie to “keep saying I love him/her when it’s not so.” We need to face reality and BE REAL with each other and that will take some “searching of heart” and some “deep conversations with each other” to get to the “root of the problem.” Once that is discovered it can be REPENTED of, and RECONCILIATION can take place.

In closing, even if “love for each other has diminished,” there should never be the thought of DIVORCE, unless of course one spouse has been found guilty of ADULTERY. That is the only “grounds for divorce” as spoken by the Lord Jesus in Matthew 19:9, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries here who is divorced commits adultery.” But even in the case of adultery a marriage can still be saved if there is true repentance on the part of the guilty spouse and the willingness of the innocent spouse to forgive them. True love for one another CAN be rekindled once again!  (DO)  (664.3)