I am so sorry that you feel that the Lord has given up on you.  If you are a true believer on the Lord Jesus Christ, I can assure you that He HAS NOT given up on you.  Let’s consider a couple of verses that give the believer that certainty.

• Hebrews 13:5, “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I WILL NEVER LEAVE THEE, NOT FORSAKE THEE.”
• Joshua 1:9, “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for THE LORD THY GOD IS WITH THEE WHITHERSOEVER THOU GOEST.”
• Matthew 28:20, “…lo, I AM WITH YOU ALWAY, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

The scripture is full of assurances for the child of God.  God will NEVER forsake His own.  You mentioned that you said the sinner’s prayer more times than you can remember.  I hope you realize that just by repeating a written prayer does not necessarily mean that you are saved.  Here are a few verses that show us how we can be truly saved.

• Acts 16:31, “And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved…”
• Romans 5:1, “Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
• Galatians 3:26, “For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.”
• Ephesians 2:8-9, “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.”
• Romans 10:9, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”

We can see by these verses, and many others, that salvation comes, not by words that we might say, but by faith in our hearts that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that He died to save us from our sins, and that He rose three days later from the dead.  The Lord Jesus was very emphatic when He said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (John 14:6).  What are you depending upon for your salvation?  Are you depending on a prayer you were shown and read, or do you truly believe that salvation comes only through putting your faith in the Lord Jesus?  Have you put your faith in the finished work of Christ on the cross for your salvation?  I pray that you have!

Baptism is a good thing.  It is something every believer should do.  However, it does not save us.  Baptism was never meant to save us.  It is faith in Christ that saves us.  What is the purpose of baptism?  Let’s look at Romans 6:3-6, “Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.”  From this we see that baptism is an act by one who is already saved.  It is a way of publicly identifying with the Lord Jesus in His death, burial, and resurrection with the intent that we will “walk in newness of life.” 

Can you lose your salvation?  We read in John 10:27-30, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I GIVE UNTO THEM ETERNAL LIFE; and THEY SHALL NEVER PERISH, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand. I and my Father are one.”  The very words ‘eternal life’ show that the life we have in Christ is eternal.  It never ends. 

I want to suggest one more thing for you to consider.  Perhaps you are truly saved but are not walking in fellowship with the Lord.  Perhaps you do not ‘feel’ His presence because you are not seeking His presence, His conviction, and His guidance each day.  We have true fellowship with the Lord when we walk according to the truths of the scriptures.  1 John 1:7 says, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.”  I suggest that you, “Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves…” (2 Corinthians 13:5).  Make sure (by the scriptures) that you are saved.  If you are, ask the Lord to draw you near to Him and follow Him so that you might enjoy His fellowship.  (552.6)  (CC)