I’m not sure how to answer this without knowing your exact situation. Is your wife a true believer in the Lord Jesus Christ? Have you done something to cause her to stop loving you? Has your wife done something that has affected her feelings for you?

Let’s assume you are both believers. No matter what has happened God can surely work in her heart to cause her to change; in fact, God specializes in changing hearts. If you have sinned against your wife you need to go her in true humility, confess your wrong-doing and apologize. James 5:16 tells us, “Confess your trespasses to one another…” (NKJV). Matthew 5:23-24 teaches us the same thing, for it says, “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering” (NASB). These are weighty words, for we learn here that we can’t even worship God in the right spirit if we know we have sinned against another believer, which in this case would be your wife. We must go to them with a sincere apology and be reconciled and then we can offer God the praise of our hearts. In most cases a true confession of sin and a sincere apology will result in forgiveness; in other words your wife will have a change of heart towards you.

Perhaps your wife is the guilty party and her sin has robbed her of the affections she once had for you. In that case you have two courses of action:

1) You should pray for her to be restored to the Lord; and

2) You should manifest Christ to her.

God alone can change her heart and cause her to repent of her sin and recapture her love for you, but you can pray to that end. I had quoted the first part of James 5:16 earlier; the next clause reads, “…pray for one another, that ye may be healed.” The “healing” here may be either physical or spiritual, for verse 15 states, “And the prayer of faith shall save the sick…and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.” In addition to prayer, you can show the love of Christ to her. The wives are told in 1 Peter 3:1-2, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” But this principle can be applied to the husband as well, for husbands can win their disobedient wives by their godly behavior. Husbands are exhorted in Ephesians 5:25 to “love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.” If you can show your wife this unconditional love, God may indeed use it to melt her heart and bring her to repentance, and then the feelings she once had for you may also be restored.

There is another possible scenario to consider. It may be that sin isn’t the problem but a case where the fire has gone out and you need to rekindle it. We can fall into a state where we take our spouse for granted and lose the desire to spend time with each other. If this is the case, I would suggest reading the Song of Solomon and ask the Lord to put the romance back in your lives again. God ordained marriage and this portion illustrates the affections that should flow between the husband and the wife in this most intimate of all relationships. If physical intimacy and romance are lacking, the spark of love may die out as well. Learn to appreciate your wife again, desire her friendship, and cultivate physical intimacy and the Lord can surely change her feelings for you. I pray He will indeed heal your marriage. (170.8) (DO)