How long should it take someone who is a widower to get married again according to the Bible?
Thank you, my dear friend, for your very good question, and I am so glad that you wish to search the Bible for your answer. I’m not sure that I can give you a timeframe on remarriage when one’s spouse has passed away, but I do find some insight from God’s Word that I pray will be helpful.
First of all, I want to stress that when a Christian (a true believer on the Lord Jesus Christ) loses a spouse in death, the Bible does allow that re-marriage is not a sin (1 Corinthians 7:28), as long as the Christian is marrying another true Christian (see Amos 3:3; 2 Corinthians 6:14-15). However, I do want to point out that there may be good reasons not to make such a decision too quickly, and certainly not before there has been adequate time to pray and search the Scriptures for guidance. I feel that there is much guidance provided in 1 Corinthians 7, and I would suggest reading this chapter carefully and prayerfully. You’ll note in this chapter that the apostle recommends to the Corinthians who have never married or those who are widowed that they remain single as he had done (verses 6 and 7). He tells them this, not by way of a commandment, but more as a recommendation if they are so gifted to be single. The reasons, I believe, would be to allow the believer more freedom to serve the Lord without any distractions (1 Corinthians 7:32-33). But not everyone has the gift of remaining single, and therefore re-marriage is better than lusting: “I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn,” (verses 8-9; see also verses 28, 32, and 33).
I want to bring up one other caution about widowers and re-marriage. While the Scriptures do permit this, I have known cases where a person, after being widowed, becomes very lonely, and the tendency is to want to remarry sooner rather than later, ardently pursuing one who appears to be kind and understanding, or perhaps fun or exciting. Making such important decisions as marriage based on feelings of loneliness, or early impressions of a sweet or kind personality and an even temperament can have disastrous results! Moving too quickly can lead to a quick and expensive divorce, or a very unhappy relationship and the wish that the marriage had never taken place. Furthermore, when a Christian marries, either for the first time or after the death of the spouse, the believer will want to be sure that the person intended is truly a Christian (as above). Sometimes, when two people are lonely and desiring to be married, it can be that the intended spouse finds it “nice” that the one is a “church-goer”, but when they start living together and find out what being a believer truly is, perhaps the intended spouse will not be able to go along with faith, and might actually discourage the partner continuing to follow the Lord. On the other hand, the intended, if a true believer, might have a different ecclesiastical affiliation with very different beliefs regarding fellowship and basic Bible doctrine, and this can lead to a lack of fellowship and even contention in the relationship. I believe it would be the Lord’s will that if one wishes to re-marry, that one waits on the Lord for His direction and guidance through prayer and study of the Word, taking time to truly get to know the new partner, and both be in agreement that marriage is the Lord’s will. I often think of Matthew 6:33: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
In the second chapter of the book, THE CHRISTIAN AND MARRIAGE” by Paul L. Canner we read: “We are to look for a marriage partner who is not only saved but openly desirous of living for Christ, having Him as the Lord of his/her life, doing the will of the Father, and filled with the Holy Spirit…. The one who has lost husband or wife should carefully and prayerfully seek to learn what the Lord is trying to teach through the bereavement and to determine if the Lord has a special service to be carried out while in the unmarried state….” (SF) (629.4)