1 Corinthians, chapter 7 is filled with instructions for believers concerning marriage.  Let’s read the first two verses.  1 Corinthians 7:1-2, “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

It’s plain from the first verse to see that some from the Corinthian church had written to Paul and asked him about the proper function of a husband and wife.  He begins by stating that it is good for a man not to touch a woman, meaning he should remain unmarried.  He qualifies that statement later in verses 25-26, “Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be.”  This ‘present distress’ refers to the unsettled state of the world, and the likelihood of persecutions tearing apart those bound by marriage.  However, Paul did go on to say in verse 28, “But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.” 

For a man to refrain from having a wife only to live with desires for the opposite sex; it would be terrible situation.  We see it is proper to “let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” Paul goes on to say in verse 9, “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.”  This means that it is better to get married than to refrain from marriage only to burn with lust for someone.  Now let’s look at verse 3-5 individually.

Verse 3, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”  This “due benevolence” refers to the sexual expectations in a marital relationship.  Let’s look at this verse as given in the Amplified Bible.  That says, “The husband must fulfill his [marital] duty to his wife [with good will and kindness], and likewise the wife to her husband.”  Sex OUTSIDE MARRIAGE is sin.  The Bible is clear on this.  Sex INSIDE MARRIAGE is an important part of how the husband and wife give themselves to each other, how they seek to please each other, how they properly look for pleasure from each other. 

Verse 4, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” Once again, let’s consider this verse as given in the Amplified Bible.  That says, “The wife does not have [exclusive] authority over her own body, but the husband shares with her; and likewise the husband does not have [exclusive] authority over his body, but the wife shares with him.”  Marriage is not a changeable union, but a holy bond. The “two” become “one flesh.” (Read Ephesians 5:31).  As ONE, the desire of the husband and wife is to complete their partner and seek to keep them sexually satisfied.  We often think of the man as one who is obsessed with sex, but in many cases, women are just as obsessed.  We simply do not have the authority to refuse sex with our spouses.  It is so wrong when one withholds sex from the other to punish them or to be able to control them. 

Does this mean, per your question, that the wife cannot ever refuse her husband’s sexual advances?  No, it does not mean that at all.  Let’s be reasonable, while some may withhold sex for the wrong reason, there are justifiable reasons to turn down the opportunity for sex.  Perhaps the wife does not feel well.  Perhaps she is simply not in the mood.  Perhaps she has had a hard day and is simply tired and wants to sleep.  Since the married couple is ONE, both should be sensitive to the needs of the other one and respect them.  I have heard wives complain that their husband treats them bad all day, and then expects to make love to them at night.  As men, we need to understand the hearts of our wives and not simply use them to gratify ourselves.  Before we demand sex from our wives, we should realize our responsibility as husbands as given in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”  When we love our wives with a sacrificial love, putting their needs before our own, we will find our wives desire us more and really want to please us. 

Verse 5. “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”  To defraud means to deprive.  Neither the wife nor the husband should deprive the other of sexual activity.  There may be times when the husband and wife mutually agree to refrain from sex for a time; perhaps for a time of prayer and fasting.  Even so, be careful that this time of abstinence is limited so Satan is not able to tempt you because of your lack of sex.  Our sex drives are real and Satan will use that against us if we are not careful.  I am constantly amazed at how the Word of God covers every facet of our lives.  We can read our Bibles for instruction in all situations.  (CC)  (591.4)