Thank you, my dear friend for wanting to consult God’s Word regarding the sad situation which you have described. I should begin by saying that sometimes young people get themselves into these things if they did not receive adequate biblical training when young, or perhaps simply did not believe God’s Word and were never saved. It is so important to bring a child to Christ Jesus early in life, and I say this for any young parents who may read these lines. This is the parents’ prime responsibility-suffering little children to come to Jesus (Luke 18:15-17).

We read in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” But I do not know anything about your brother’s upbringing, and I do not want to assume too much and do your parents any injustice. If good instruction truly was provided, it would appear to me that your brother did not take this to heart. I imagine that the parents just now are trying to care for this young lady and the baby given that your brother seems not to be willing to accept a responsibility that I think is plainly his own, being the father of the unborn child. Now, I do not believe that God ever intended any young man to depend upon his parents for the care of his wife and children, so long as he is reasonably able to work; nor do I believe that the parents of one who will not support his family would be obliged to support their son, so long as he refuses to work and to take care of his own responsibilities.

As a first step, I would think that the parents might want to prayerfully confront their son and remind him of his responsibilities to this young mother and his baby which she carries. If he has not learned God’s will and his own accountability for his actions by age 20, then perhaps it is time for the parents to be very firm, and perhaps require their son to get a job and take care of his family. If he refuses to be responsible in this way, I think it might be time for the parents to stop supporting him in whatever is occupying his time these days. What I am telling you is my opinion based on some of the verses I will cite below. Now, please understand that I do not say that the pregnant girl should be thrown out on the street. It must be borne in mind that I do not know all the facts regarding this situation, so it would be for you and your family to be in prayer about these things, and to search the Scriptures. But, from what I believe I see in the Bible, whether he feels he is married or not, your brother has taken on the role of a husband in marriage by his actions, and consequently, He should be compelled to be accountable and to get a job, if he is physically able to do so, and support himself and his new family.

Now, as to the Scriptures that I feel support what I am saying, I begin with Genesis 2:24 where we read about the very institution of marriage under God’s perfect plan: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (see also Matthew 19: 5, 6 and Mark 10: 7-9, where the permanency of marriage is underscored). Now, he may protest that he is not actually married, but he clearly is about to become a father, so I do believe that before God, like it or not, he has taken the role of a husband and has responsibilities that he cannot deny. Furthermore, here in Genesis, we see that God created marriage, and like all of God’s plans, marriage was instituted for man’s good. Any failure to follow God’s intended plan will result in ruin. Now, I want to go further with the thoughts of Genesis 2:24. I think I see that marriage according to God’s perfect plan calls upon a man to “leave his father and his mother,” and to cleave to his wife, and I do not see that this has happened at all in your brother’s case. It appears to me that he wants to remain under the support of his parents and does not wish to leave his father and mother, nor to cleave to his wife. Again, he doesn’t appear to feel any responsibility for his girlfriend who is pregnant with his child and is quite willing to continue to allow his parents to take care of him, even though he now has a whole new set of responsibilities. I truly believe that the responsibility for the family that comes of this union falls to your brother, according to God’s Word, and should not be handed over to his parents.

So given these things, I want to mention a few thoughts regarding your brother’s actions. The Bible does speak in very direct terms about one who does not take care of his family: “But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel,” (1 Timothy 5:8). This Scripture would apply to Christians who will not care for their families, and I am certain that if your brother is a Christian, he should not want to be viewed as worse than an infidel. Church discipline might be considered in the case of true Christians under such circumstances where there is no repentance. But, in the case of non-Christians, we must remember that even though they do not believe, they are yet fully responsible for their sins before God’s law, despite the fact that our modern world does not seem to recognize this. Thus, we need to be in prayer for your brother’s salvation if this is his case. Adultery and fornication are sins, and we see this plainly in Exodus 20:14: “Thou shalt not commit adultery;” Then again in Hebrews 13:4 we read: “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

Now, if your brother is in fact a born-again Christian, then the expectation regarding godly behavior and responsibility is especially high before the Lord, because we Christians are saved by grace and must not take the fact of Christ’s suffering for us so lightly by openly sinning. We must not forget that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. Now, in Ephesians 5:22-32, we clearly see that marriage is to be a type or a picture of Christ’s relationship with His church, and what would that look like if one was following God’s perfect plan? We read: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it…,” (Ephesians 5:25). This intended commitment of the husband to his wife places Christian marriage on a much higher plane since it is a reflection of Christ’s love for His church-Christ Jesus gave His very life for the church, and husbands should be willing to love their wives with such a total commitment. To me, this would not allow for letting the parents take on a man’s responsibility for his own family, and nor do I believe it is right for the parents to quietly take this responsibility on themselves, going on with business as usual with their son.

My dear friend, I do not know where your brother or parents stand with the Lord as to salvation, but the Bible clearly tells us that God is calling upon all men to repent, because judgment for sinners is coming upon the earth (Acts 17:30-31). It is my prayer that you, your brother, and your parents are saved, and if you are, then God’s Word, through the work of the Holy Spirit will lead your family in the correct pathway.  (SF)  (546.3)