Your first two sentences lead me to believe that you and your husband have NEVER had sex, which would be almost unbelievable. I say this for every married couple that I’ve ever talked to about intimacy, have consummated (completed) their marriage relationship on their wedding night by having sexual intercourse. Perhaps others waited for a time after their wedding due to various circumstances, but all have eventually had sexual intimacy unless one or both were physically unable to do so.

After my wife and I were saved, we purchased a book called “The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love” by Tim and Beverly LaHaye. We found it grounded in Scripture and have highly recommended it to others. I would recommend you and your husband sitting down to read that book together (or some other book comparable to that). The first chapter of the book is titled “The Sanctity of Marriage” and it brings out clearly that sexual intercourse was designed by God for a husband and wife. God gave men and women the desire for sexual intimacy, not only for the purpose of procreation but also for pleasure. My wife and I have also read, at times, the book of “The Song of Solomon” in the Bible which also teaches us God’s design for a husband and a wife to enjoy sexual intimacy. So, God created sex to truly bring pleasure (and possibly children) into the marriage union.  I must say that I still find it incredible that your husband has never desired to have sex with you and quite frankly I find it equally incredible if you have never initiated a heartfelt conversation with him about this shortly after your wedding.

As to your specific questions, watching porn is a “form of adultery.” The Lord Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her IN HIS HEART.” This FORM of adultery (that takes place in one’s mind) is not the same as the actual ACT of adultery. A few verses later the Lord speaks of the “act of adultery” by saying, “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except it be for sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (verse 32). Sexual immorality here involves going further than “lusting after one in your mind;” it is one committing the actual act of sexual intercourse with one other than their spouse. In the case of King David in 2 Samuel 11:1-4 he was guilty of both, for he saw Bathsheba bathing and lusted after her in his heart (verse2) and then he committed the actual act with (verse 4). This is often the case, for men who are guilty of watching porn eventually give in to the “inner urge in their mind for sexual intercourse” and they find a woman to have sexual intercourse with. This “could” be the case with your husband but even if he hasn’t committed the act, he is still guilty of committing “adultery in his heart.” Unless you find out he has committed the act, you would NOT be free to divorce him.

In closing, this is a very unusual case, to say the least. For a husband to show an interest in watching sexual intimacy through pornography and yet showing zero interest in having sexual intimacy with his wife is almost beyond belief, especially when this has been the case from the very beginning of his marriage. If you have never sat him down to have a very serious talk with him about this I would do so as soon as possible. If he is a Christian, and he is willing to read the book I suggested, I would encourage you both to read it. He should then see the absolute and vital importance of sexual intimacy for a healthy marriage and he will also see for one spouse to resist the advances of their spouse for sexual intercourse is against God’s will. I do believe this would be a “case of emotional abuse.” Here is a very direct passage of Scripture on this subject: “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. DO NOT DEPRIVE ONE ANOTHER, except with consent for a time, that you give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).  (DO)  (617.1)